Esther lives in a small town in the southwest of the Netherlands with her husband, three children, and their au pair, Abigael. She and her husband run a small but growing medicinal herb farm. Amanda, our marketing lead, sat down with her to find out why Esther decided to host an au pair and how she’s feeling about her decision.
Why did you choose an au pair?
“There were several factors. We live in the polder, a long way from the daycare and we like that the children can be at home a lot. The company has grown a lot recently and we opted for, well, to see if the children could actually receive more care at home.”
“It was not difficult to search, it was the first match and it was good right away.”
How did you choose an au pair?
“We live on a farm where a lot of people come into the house, so she had to be someone who had to be open to easily making new contacts. She should be able to go along with changes – that things can change. People walk in, come to drink coffee. Yes, some flexibility was necessary for us. We also hoped that for our first au pair, she could easily understand a bit of Dutch, also for our children.”
What did you ask your au pair during the interview?
“What she does for sports. For example, what she does in her free time, what she likes. We also love sailing and watersports. We also hoped for someone who would share that with us. Well, that worked out too!”
“The children were there watching the whole thing and were asking for questions too”
“We knew that our children could have learned some English since we have a number of employees here at our company who speak it, so they have heard the language from the beginning, but we only found out how well they could speak English when Themi actually came to live here.”
What is the biggest advantage of having an au pair?
“The peace in the house. It is a certain stability that you get in the house for the children and for our company too. Yes, it has brought a lot of peace to us because of that..”
“Of course you have to get used to each other and you have one more person in the house to take into account. We often have to go outside when a supplier comes, and then this just brings a lot more peace.”
What has changed in your home since hosting an au pair?
“Not at all, our daily routine did not change at all”
“Certainly, having a new person in the house changes some things, I have started working a bit more too. But there is also more time to do something alone with the children, to talk.”
“Now, we do have the advantage that we have an extra bedroom downstairs and not upstairs. But no, I don’t have that feeling. It takes some time getting used to in the beginning, to find when you want to shower, that kind of thing.”
Do you think you will host a second au pair?
“Yes, very much, we do.”
“we don’t want Themi to leave! Especially now that the company is still growing so fast and Gini is still young.”
“Maybe, it would be nice that the next au pair is someone from South America or something! I would like to try another language because the children pick up languages very easily. But I only speak English, so I think it’s very important that we can communicate well with each other, so that there can be no misunderstandings. That is really very important for us.”
What is the family dynamic like with your au pair?
“We have very few rules in our house. With the children too, we do have boundaries, but no rules as of now. We have to have it like this. So I found it difficult to set the rules. Actually, honestly, they have remained open with us.”
“You have your own boundaries that you need, like to sit comfortably on the couch in the evening. We like to go out for dinner once a week if that works out with the two of us. And that we also have time to discuss things. But we haven’t set any rules.”
“Themi usually sits in her own room. Sometimes, the three of us will sit together if we watch a movie together.”
Was finding an au pair stressful?
“It was a little stressful in the sense that we can’t easily get away because of our company. That makes it harder to quickly get in the car and drive away. But very gradually, things come naturally, as they should. So yeah.”
Did anybody knew you had an au pair?
“We did it a bit gradually. Of course, we waited 3 months. So we had made the decision, but then you still have to apply for a visa and arrange all the documents. That took three months in total. So then actually everyone in our environment already knew that Themi was coming to live with us. We did wait until we were sure that the visa was ready to tell the school.”
How did you decide to get an au pair?
“Such a long story. I had an automatic excuse for a while: I don’t have a babysitter. Also for the company, I’d say, “Yes, sorry, I don’t have a babysitter, I have to be home with the children.” And then I got a burnout, and my therapist said, “You can’t do this anymore. Now you really have to stop saying that all the time.” And then there was an advertisement for you on television, and I thought, I’m going to do that.”
“It felt right immediately. And it’s a two way street. We add something, she adds something to us. And we absolutely wanted to add something for her, [to] show her something of the Netherlands, how we do things here. And we hoped that it was the same for her. Well, it’s like that now, so we get just as much from Themi as she does from us, in [sharing] culture and that is great.”
Were there any culture shocks?
“I didn’t. I think with Themi it’s not that bad. But of course we’ve had some really funny things, certain things that we do that she would absolutely never do in her culture, like with eating. We sometimes stand at the kitchen counter to eat. That’s not done in her culture. So those are funny things to discover and get to know from each other. And I think that’s only possible if you live together in a house.And that’s why we’re also open to another au pair, because it’s so much fun to get to know things from each other and new customs and cultures. With us there are also the herbs and trees and everything that’s in and around a country to learn from each other.”
What is it like when your au pair has her weekends?
“We bought her a bike, so she cycles a lot on the weekend. And she goes to lifeguard school. She can swim there soon. And she is always free in the weekend so she can do whatever she wants then. She can also go to Amsterdam or Haarlem.”
“If we are going to do something, then she always comes with us. Or, anyway, she can come with us. It varies, yes, sometimes we have to work, sometimes there’s football, sometimes there are sports, sometimes it just depends.”
Did you discuss your parenting style with your au pair?
“Yes. Our children live here quite spaciously and are used to doing their own things and going their own way. So it is also very important to us that it stays that way. That they continue to walk outside, climb trees everywhere, build huts and do things the way they did. And that is what happened, yes. They also need some time after school to relax and sit for a while.”
Would you recommend the au pair program to other families?
“Definitely. I already have. The only thing is that many parents have difficulty with the extra room. We are lucky to have a very large house. I can also imagine that you also need something where someone can retreat. Because we also have our emotions. It can be overwhelming, but when you come to another country, you also need a place to relax and sit and really have your own spot. That is very important.”
What should parents know before hosting an au pair?
“I think you really have to realize that you are getting a different culture in your home. That is very important, but also very nice and good for raising your children. But you have to stay open to it. For the children too, that gives a certain dynamic, and that changes for a while before it becomes a bit calmer again.”
What was the advantage of working with an au pair agency?
“We chose Nina.care because you actually arrange everything. We are already busy with the business and the children, and that’s why we chose the extra support, so that we don’t have to figure everything out ourselves, have to put everything together to arrange it. It is also important that it is done well. You also provide courses, language courses and other things. That is important.”
Esther and her family have benefited greatly from the au pair program. It seems that an au pair – an extra hands around the house – was important for Esther to branch out and have some personal time for herself and her business.